Re: Regarding retrieving source from modules

Gene,

I read the email that you sent me.  I agree that communication is a problem in
our marriage.  I, too , have been doing a lot of thinking.  The fact is Gene,
the reason we don't talk is because we have nothing in common.  We don't have
the same priorities and we both have different agendas.  I guess the thing that
surprised me most these past few days (beside being told a dog's life is more
important to you than I am) is the fact that you seemed more concerned over your
school and how you were going to pay bills than the fact that you were losing
your husband. Go figure.

There is nothing in this world that could've made me choose it over you.
Nothing.  But after almost four years of us being together I've finally excepted
the fact that no matter what I do for you or buy for you or how much I love you,
I will not be your top priority.  And I don't mean that in a bad way.  It's just
the way you are.  I feel that because of the events in your life and your
upbringing that you lack a lot of the emotional capabilities that other people
have.  You might think, or even know in your heart that you love me.  But loving
someone has more to do with just accepting someone as they are.  It also has a
lot to do with making sure the person you love is happy, too.

I think that I have tried to give you everything you wanted.  You've had a lot
of opportunities to do things that most people would love to have.  And I cannot
understand why the simple, most basic things that I think you would be happy to
do for me can't be done.  And I'm not going to rehash the same argument because
it has gotten us nowhere.  What do you think a facilitator would do for us?
Would this person help me explain that I hate playing second fiddle to your
pets?  That I hate the house smelling like a zoo?  That I wish I had a more
intimate relationship with my wife rather than a roomate relationship?  And how
would you respond?  That because of how you are, I have to accept it?  That no
matter what I want, if you don't want to do it then I have to accept it?  Is
this what you think the facilitator would do for us?  To show me that once again
I have to compromise and be glad to do it?

I believe that because I love you that I overlooked a lot of things that I
shouldn't have.  How can it be so easy for me to make a decision not to be with
you?  I guess it's because there is no emotional bond between us like there
should be.  And how could there be?  We aren't that close, emotionally.  We're
more like good aquaintences than husband and wife.

I'm not blaming any of this on you, Gene.  I blaming your parents and the guy
that hurt you when you were fourteen.  Honest to god I wish I was strong enough
to deal with the demons in your head.  But I am not.  I am tired of being alone
in our marriage and I've got to do something about it before I go crazy.  I've
never been so frustrated in my entire life and it's breaking my heart.  I love
you, Gene.  I really do.  But I am not going to just sit back and let things
stay the way they are.  Because according to you I have to accept you as you are
and to hell with what I want.  I'm not going to continue to live like that.

If I thought for an instant that a facilitator could help us, I would go in a
heartbeat.  But I think you've got a few issues from your past that you have to
deal with before we can even begin to deal with out communication problem.  And
I think that  your emotional problems are going to take a long time to fix.

What I'm trying to say Gene is that I still love you, but I don't think us being
together is a good idea.  I think it would just be prolonging the inevitable.  I
don't want you to hate me and I don't want to end up hating you, but if we stay
together that is exactly what will happen.

Please respond to this letter because I really want to know how you think the
counselor will help us.  Or how you think the counselor will help us.

Kevin

PS: Please don't misunderstand the tone of this letter.  I am not angry so don't
take anything I'm saying as a slander against you.  I'm more hurt than anything,
but I am not angry.


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