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And just where is RPG? Al - on the way back from Atlanta Al Barsa, Jr. Barsa Consulting Group, LLC 400>390 914-251-1234 914-251-9406 fax http://www.barsaconsulting.com http://www.taatool.com Pat Barber <mboceanside@worldne To: "MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com" <MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com> t.att.net> cc: Sent by: Subject: Computer Languages midrange-l-admin@mid range.com 08/15/01 10:37 AM Please respond to midrange-l THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO THE LANGUAGES The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma. TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot. C: You shoot yourself in the foot. > > C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot > them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is > impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there." > > FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run > out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyways > because you have no exception-handling capability. > > ALGOL: You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is > esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic > in the emergency room. > > Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. > > Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently > load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the > foot. However when you try, you discover you can't because your foot > is of the wrong type. > > COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place > ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied. > > LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with > which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with > which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with > which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with > which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with > which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... > > SCHEME: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with > which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with > which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with > which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ... > but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening. > > FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot. > > Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. > The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you. > > BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large > systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. > > Visual Basic: You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care. > > HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. > Answer the result. > > Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the > bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory > handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the > trigger, the gun jams. > > APL: You hear a gunshot and there's a hole in your foot, but you > don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what the hell > happened. > > Unix: > % ls > foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o > % rm * .o > rm:.o no such file or directory > % ls > % > > sh, csh, Perl, etc: > You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours > reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer and > switch to C. > > Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot. > > 370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS in a box and include a > 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. > Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. > > Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can > too. > > Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead. > > Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself > in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty > little bullet-thingies are for. > > Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot. > Then you crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system > administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of > contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and hops > around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight. > > Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything > in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. > > Smalltalk: > You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, > and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal. > > PL/I: You consume all available system resources, including all the > offline bullets. The DataProcessing&Payroll Department doubles its > size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops the original one on your foot. > > SNOBOL: You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to > be a bullet. The act of shooting the original foot then changes your hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left foot). > > Java: You import the entire gun encyclopedia class, the entire mankind class and the definition of all bullets ever made. When you finally figure out which combination you want to use, the bullet moves so slow that your foot rots and falls off by itself. > > Javascript: You define the gun, the bullet and the foot in three > lines. Then everytime you run it in a different browser, you shoot > everything but the foot. > > > English: You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off. _______________________________________________ This is the Midrange Systems Technical Discussion (MIDRANGE-L) mailing list To post a message email: MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com To subscribe, unsubscribe, or change list options, visit: http://lists.midrange.com/cgi-bin/listinfo/midrange-l or email: MIDRANGE-L-request@midrange.com
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