RE: Computer Languages

how about

RPGIV:    eval    foot = #shot

but it bleeds green through your black shoe so you are forced to rewrite it
in VA/Java, store the results in the IFS, and then access it through a
servlet via WebSphere?

:D

Joel R. Cochran
Director of Internet Services
VamaNet.com
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>-----Original Message-----
>From: Steve Richter [mailto:srichter@AutoCoder.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, August 15, 2001 11:26 AM
>To: midrange-l@midrange.com
>Subject: Re: Computer Languages
>
>
>
>rpg : you shoot yourself in the foot and your system is replaced by NT.
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Pat Barber <mboceanside@worldnet.att.net>
>To: MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com <MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com>
>Date: Wednesday, August 15, 2001 11:09 AM
>Subject: Computer Languages
>
>
>>          THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO THE LANGUAGES
>>
>>  The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem
>>  to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes
>>  it difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This
>>  handy reference is offered as a public service to help 
>programmers who
>>  find themselves in such a dilemma.
>>
>>
>>                 TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.
>>
>>
>>  C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
>>>
>>> C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot
>>> them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is
>>> impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which
>>  are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
>>>
>>> FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run
>>> out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run
>>  out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself
>>anyways
>>> because you have no exception-handling capability.
>>>
>>> ALGOL: You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket.  The musket is
>>> esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic
>>> in the emergency room.
>>>
>>> Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
>>>
>>> Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently
>>> load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the
>>> foot. However when you try, you discover you can't because your foot
>>> is of the wrong type.
>>>
>>> COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
>>> ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN
>>  to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.
>>>
>>> LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
>>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
>>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
>>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
>>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
>>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
>>>
>>> SCHEME: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
>>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
>>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
>>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ...
>>> but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening.
>>>
>>> FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
>>>
>>> Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot.
>>> The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit
>>  it to explain it to you.
>>>
>>> BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large
>>> systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
>>>
>>> Visual Basic: You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in
>>  the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't
>>care.
>>>
>>> HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you.
>>> Answer the result.
>>>
>>> Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
>>> bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory
>>> handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the
>>> trigger, the gun jams.
>>>
>>> APL: You hear a gunshot and there's a hole in your foot, but you
>>> don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what the hell
>>> happened.
>>>
>>> Unix:
>>> % ls
>>> foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
>>> % rm * .o
>>> rm:.o no such file or directory
>>> % ls
>>> %
>>>
>>> sh, csh, Perl, etc:
>>
>>> You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours
>>> reading man pages before giving up.  You then shoot the computer and
>>> switch to C.
>>>
>>> Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
>>>
>>> 370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS in a box and include a
>>> 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot.
>>> Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
>>>
>>> Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can
>>> too.
>>>
>>> Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes
>>  in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.
>>>
>>> Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself
>>> in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty
>>> little bullet-thingies are for.
>>>
>>> Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover
>>  you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and 
>your foot.
>>> Then you crash the OS and overwrite the root disk.  The system
>>> administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot.  After a moment of
>>> contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and hops
>>> around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.
>>>
>>> Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything
>>> in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
>>>
>>> Smalltalk:
>>> You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing
>>  system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your
>>workstation,
>>> and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.
>>>
>>> PL/I: You consume all available system resources, including all the
>>> offline bullets.  The DataProcessing&Payroll Department doubles its
>>> size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops
>>  the original one on your foot.
>>>
>>> SNOBOL: You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to
>>> be a bullet.  The act of shooting the original foot then changes
>>  your hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left foot).
>>>
>>> Java: You import the entire gun encyclopedia class, the entire
>>  mankind class and the definition of all bullets ever made.
>>  When you finally figure out which combination you want to use,
>>  the bullet moves so slow that your foot rots and falls off 
>by itself.
>>>
>>> Javascript:  You define the gun, the bullet and the foot in three
>>> lines.  Then everytime you run it in a different browser, you shoot
>>> everything but the foot.
>>>
>>>
>>> English: You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.
>>_______________________________________________
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>>
>
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