Re: Doc's Predictions For 1998...

[DAsmussen@xxxxxxx]

In a message dated 97-12-22 14:22:26 EST, you write:

> Subj:  Doc's Predictions For 1998...
>  Date:        97-12-22 14:22:26 EST
>  From:        Ed.Doxtator@ssa.co.uk
>  Sender:      mcsnet!midrange.com!midrange-l-owner@Mcs.Net, owner-midrange-l@
> midrange.com
>  Reply-to:    MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com
>  To:  MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com
>  
>  CFGDOC PREDICT(*ON)
>  
>  1.  In an attempt to prove yet again that computer types aren't "just
>  geeks", the "cool Java-style product name" paradigm is extended (i.e.
>  Marimba, Bongo, Castinet, etc.), once again proving that compiler designers
>  are frustrated early 1980's rock stars and failed mid-1980's advertising
>  men.  Product names will have nothing to do with the product whatsoever.
>  The biggest names will be "TinselTown", "Toast", "Umlaut", "Gargle!", and
>  in an attempt to capture the interest of Doom and Quake gamers,
>  "SplatterGore".
>  
>  2.  Advertising will not be forgtten, either.  Swanky prime-time ads
>  promoting the new hip-named products with Tom Baker of "Dr. Who" fame
>  rapping to a soundtrack sampled from one-hit wonder bands of the 1980's
>  will air on prime-time.  Songs to be sampled will be "Ice Ice Baby" by
>  Vanilla Ice, "Just Got Lucky" by Jo Boxers, "88 Lines About 44 Women" by
>  Nails, and "China" by Red Rockers.  Following IBM's lead, no useful
>  information will be disseminated by these advertisements.
>  
>  3.  Like programmers who learned C on other platforms than the AS/400, Java
>  programmers will resist migrating to the AS/400 implementation because
>  "_OS/400 isn't UNIX_, but my boss made me".  IBM will launch a project to
>  correct this oversight, codenamed "Orkin".
>  
>  The plan involves luring a group of Unix programmers into the same room as
>  an AS/400 by telling the group there is a girl who _understands_ vi,
>  working in a basement lab.  The group will rush for the bait, only to find
>  the girl is fictitious, but too late!  The door will slam and they will be
>  trapped.  IBM promises to release the group as soon as a native GUI has
>  been developed.  The project will fail as factions emerge, scuttling any
>  work.  The main factions  will be a pro-Bell Labs UNIX group against other
>  groups spouting, "my version that's BETTER than Bell Labs UNIX".
>  
>  The International Commission On Human Rights will lobby to keep the group
>  locked up, but IBM will release the group once the Health Department
>  complain.  When interviewed as to the what the project actually produced,
>  the general consenus of the programmers is, "Phaw!  We KNEW girls couldn't
>  use vi!"
>  
>  4.  8" floppy drives will be re-introduced, because they make you FEEL LIKE
>  A MAN.
>  
>  5.  In a curious move, IBM will announce V3R3.  It will be rumoured that an
>  "unnamed IBM senior executive" lost a bet with Ralph "Tank" Goombah at
>  CUDS.  The bet involved a using Tequilla Slammers, lawn darts, and a
>  Microsoft representative who showed up at CUDS accidentally.  No charges
>  will be filed.
>  
>  
>  CFGDOC PREDICT(*OFF)
>  
>  That's it, folks.
>  
>  Look after yerselves, have a great Christmas and a Joyous New Year!
>  
>  -Ed, Doc, I do LIKE Unix programmers... it's the commands I can't stand...
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