Jokes

[Michael J Lindsay <us027061@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
 Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. 
 He finally gets himself to the doctor.  He says, "How bad is it, doc? 
I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my  fiance is still a virgin in every
way."  The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let
it heal and keep it straight.  It should be okay next week."  
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and
wired it all  together.  
It was an impressive work of art.  
The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend.  
They marry and on their  honeymoon night in the motel room, she 
rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.  
This was the first time he ever saw them.
 She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these 
breasts."  
He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, 

"And look at this,it's still in the CRATE!"


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>   >A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
>   >The guy says, " Who is this?"
>   >"This is the maid," answers the woman
>   >"We don't have a maid," says the man.
>   >The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the lady of the house."
>   >The man says, "Well, this is her husband.  Is she there?"
>   >The woman replies, "She is upstairs in bed with someone who I figured
>   >was her husband."
>   >The guy is fuming.  He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to
>   >make $50,000?"
>   >The maid says, "What will I have to do?"
>   >The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot
>   >the bitch and the jerk she's with."
>   >The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and the 2 gun
>   >shots.
>   >The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
>   >The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
>   >Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."
>   >After a long pause the man says, "Is this 832-4821?"


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