• Subject: FW: The Year 2000...
  • From: "Walden Leverich" <walden@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Tue, 6 Jan 1998 17:13:29 -0500
  • Importance: Normal

> From: Rowland C. Croucher <rowlandc@mira.net>
> Newsgroups: rec.humor; aus.jokes; za.humor
> Subject: The Year 2000...
> Date: Friday, January 02, 1998 3:21 PM
> ~~~  The COBAL Programmer  ~~~
>     Jack was once a COBOL programmer in the late 1990's who (after
>  years of being taken for granted and treated as a technological
>  dinosaur by all the UNIX programmers and Client/Server programmers and
>  website developers, etc.) was finally getting some respect.  You see,
>  he'd become a private consultant specializing in Year 2000
>  conversions.  He was working short-term assignments for prestige
>  companies, traveling all over the world on different assignments.  He
>  was working 70 and 80 and even 90 hour weeks, but it was worth it.
>     However, several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had
>  taken its toll on Jack.  He had problems sleeping and began having
>  anxiety dreams about the Year 2000.  It had reached a point where even
>  the thought of the year 2000 made him nearly violent.  He must have
>  suffered some sort of breakdown, because all he could think about was
>  how he could avoid the year 2000 and all that came with it.
>     By the end of 1997 Jack decided to contact a company that
>  specialized in cryogenics.  He made a deal to have himself frozen
>  until 2001 through their totally automated (and very expensive)
>  process.  He was thrilled.  The next thing he would know is he'd wake
>  up in the year 2001; after the New Year celebrations and computer
>  debacles; after the leap year, and the dust had settled. Nothing else
>  to worry about except getting on with his life.
>     He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians set the
>  revive date, he was given injections to slow his heartbeat to a bare
>  minimum, and that was that.
>     The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very modern room
>  filled with excited people.  They were all shouting "I can't believe
>  it!" and "It's a miracle" and "He's alive!".  There were cameras
>  (unlike any he'd ever seen) and equipment that looked like it came out
>  of a science fiction movie.
>     Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group stepped
>  forward. Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm.  "It is over?" he
>  asked.  "Is 2001 already here?  Are all the millennial parties and
>  promotions and crises all over and done with?"
>     The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with the
>  programming of the timer on Jack's cryogenic receptacle, it hadn't
>  been year 2000 compliant.  It was actually 8,000 years later, not the
>  year 2001.  But the spokesman told Jack that he shouldn't get excited;
>  someone important wanted to speak to him.
>     Suddenly a wall-sized projection screen displayed the image of a
>  man that had a striking resemblance to Bill Gates.  This man was Prime
>  Minister of Earth.  He told Jack not to be upset.  That this was a
>  wonderful time to be alive.  That there was world peace and no more
>  starvation.  That the space program had been reinstated and there were
>  colonies on the moon and on Mars.  That technology had advanced to
>  such a degree that everyone had virtual reality interfaces which
>  allowed them to contact anyone else on the planet, or to watch any
>  entertainment, or to hear any music recorded anywhere.
>     "That sounds terrific," said Jack. "But I'm curious.  Why is
>  everybody so interested in me?"
>     "Well," said the Prime Minister.  "The year 10000 is just around
>  the corner, and it says in your files that you know COBOL..."
> -- 
> Shalom!  Rowland Croucher                  (rowlandc@mira.net)
> Director, John Mark Ministries - resources for pastors/leaders 
>   (Bookroom, library, and worldwide F.W.Boreham Trading Post)
>     Website (1000 articles)- http://www.pastornet.net.au/jmm
>      CLERGY/LEADERS' LIST: clergy-request@pastornet.net.au
>                     ('SUBSCRIBE' on subject-line)
> Heaven is the most real place of all (Bishop Dudley Foord, in
> a sermon last Sunday night)

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