IF OPERATING SYSTEMS WERE AIRLINES.......

IF OPERATING SYSTEMS WERE AIRLINES....... 
         
         DOS Air: All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold
of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off
when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it
back into the air, hop on, et cetera.
  
         Mac Airways: The cashiers, flight attendants and pilots all
look the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions
about the flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't
need to know and would you please return to your seat and
watch the movie.
          
         Windows95 Airlines: The terminal is very neat and clean, the 
attendants all very attractive, the pilots very capable. The 
fleet of Learjets the carrier operates is immense. Your jet 
takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 
20,000 feet it explodes without warning.

         OS/2 Skyways: The terminal is almost empty, with only a few
prospective passengers milling about. The announcer says that
their flight has just departed, wishes them a good flight, though
there are no planes on the runway. Airline personnel walk around,
apologizing profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing
from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal
on the  field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will
be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows 
Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for 
the technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe until
mid-1995. Maybe longer.
 
         Fly Windows NT: All the passengers carry their seats out onto
the  tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all
sit  down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they
are flying.
    
         UNIX Express: all passenger bring a piece of the airplane and
a  box of tools with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, 
arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build
and how to put it together. Eventually, the passengers split
into groups and build several different aircraft, but give them all
the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. 
All passengers believe they got there.
  
        Wings of OS/400: The airline has bought ancient DC-3s,
arguably the best and safest planes that ever flew, and painted "747"
on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight
attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the
drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour,
unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and
membership in the frequent flyer club. Then they cost $500,
but your accounting department can call it overhead.

    
         MVS Air Lines: The passengers all gather in the hangar,
watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this
immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats
over 1,000 passengers; bigger models in the fleet can have more
engines than anyone can count and fly even more passengers
than there are on Earth. It is claimed to cost less per passenger
mile to operate these humungous planes than any other aircraft
ever built, unless you personally have to pay for the ticket. 
All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the 200 technicians
needed to keep it from crashing. The pilot takes his place up
in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realize that
the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors.


Al Barsa, Jr.
Barsa Consulting, LLC
400 > 390

Phone:  914-251-9400
Fax:    914-251-9406

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