|
how about RPGIV: eval foot = #shot but it bleeds green through your black shoe so you are forced to rewrite it in VA/Java, store the results in the IFS, and then access it through a servlet via WebSphere? :D Joel R. Cochran Director of Internet Services VamaNet.com 800-480-8810 (va toll free) 540-885-8050 (phone) 540-886-1589 (fax) www.vamanet.com mailto:custservice@vamanet.com >-----Original Message----- >From: Steve Richter [mailto:srichter@AutoCoder.com] >Sent: Wednesday, August 15, 2001 11:26 AM >To: midrange-l@midrange.com >Subject: Re: Computer Languages > > > >rpg : you shoot yourself in the foot and your system is replaced by NT. > > >-----Original Message----- >From: Pat Barber <mboceanside@worldnet.att.net> >To: MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com <MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com> >Date: Wednesday, August 15, 2001 11:09 AM >Subject: Computer Languages > > >> THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO THE LANGUAGES >> >> The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem >> to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes >> it difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This >> handy reference is offered as a public service to help >programmers who >> find themselves in such a dilemma. >> >> >> TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot. >> >> >> C: You shoot yourself in the foot. >>> >>> C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot >>> them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is >>> impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which >> are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there." >>> >>> FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run >>> out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run >> out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself >>anyways >>> because you have no exception-handling capability. >>> >>> ALGOL: You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is >>> esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic >>> in the emergency room. >>> >>> Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. >>> >>> Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently >>> load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the >>> foot. However when you try, you discover you can't because your foot >>> is of the wrong type. >>> >>> COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place >>> ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN >> to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied. >>> >>> LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with >>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with >>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with >>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with >>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with >>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... >>> >>> SCHEME: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with >>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with >>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with >>> which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ... >>> but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening. >>> >>> FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot. >>> >>> Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. >>> The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit >> it to explain it to you. >>> >>> BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large >>> systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. >>> >>> Visual Basic: You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in >> the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't >>care. >>> >>> HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. >>> Answer the result. >>> >>> Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the >>> bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory >>> handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the >>> trigger, the gun jams. >>> >>> APL: You hear a gunshot and there's a hole in your foot, but you >>> don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what the hell >>> happened. >>> >>> Unix: >>> % ls >>> foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o >>> % rm * .o >>> rm:.o no such file or directory >>> % ls >>> % >>> >>> sh, csh, Perl, etc: >> >>> You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours >>> reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer and >>> switch to C. >>> >>> Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot. >>> >>> 370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS in a box and include a >>> 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. >>> Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. >>> >>> Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can >>> too. >>> >>> Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes >> in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead. >>> >>> Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself >>> in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty >>> little bullet-thingies are for. >>> >>> Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover >> you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and >your foot. >>> Then you crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system >>> administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of >>> contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and hops >>> around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight. >>> >>> Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything >>> in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. >>> >>> Smalltalk: >>> You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing >> system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your >>workstation, >>> and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal. >>> >>> PL/I: You consume all available system resources, including all the >>> offline bullets. The DataProcessing&Payroll Department doubles its >>> size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops >> the original one on your foot. >>> >>> SNOBOL: You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to >>> be a bullet. The act of shooting the original foot then changes >> your hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left foot). >>> >>> Java: You import the entire gun encyclopedia class, the entire >> mankind class and the definition of all bullets ever made. >> When you finally figure out which combination you want to use, >> the bullet moves so slow that your foot rots and falls off >by itself. >>> >>> Javascript: You define the gun, the bullet and the foot in three >>> lines. Then everytime you run it in a different browser, you shoot >>> everything but the foot. >>> >>> >>> English: You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off. >>_______________________________________________ >>This is the Midrange Systems Technical Discussion >(MIDRANGE-L) mailing list >>To post a message email: MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com >>To subscribe, unsubscribe, or change list options, >>visit: http://lists.midrange.com/cgi-bin/listinfo/midrange-l >>or email: MIDRANGE-L-request@midrange.com >> >> > >_______________________________________________ >This is the Midrange Systems Technical Discussion (MIDRANGE-L) >mailing list >To post a message email: MIDRANGE-L@midrange.com >To subscribe, unsubscribe, or change list options, >visit: http://lists.midrange.com/cgi-bin/listinfo/midrange-l >or email: MIDRANGE-L-request@midrange.com >
As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.
This mailing list archive is Copyright 1997-2024 by midrange.com and David Gibbs as a compilation work. Use of the archive is restricted to research of a business or technical nature. Any other uses are prohibited. Full details are available on our policy page. If you have questions about this, please contact [javascript protected email address].
Operating expenses for this site are earned using the Amazon Associate program and Google Adsense.