TGIF - humor

Got this from Sales Rep at BP, 3X Corp.

Hope it doesn't offend (didn't me), because politicians from both sides of
the aisle can sound pretty ridiculous.  Even when not taken out of context.

Only thing that REALLY bothered me is that I evidently not only understand,
but follow, the philosophies of Miss Alabama, and Yogi Berra...!  And I
must-a played on Jason Kidd's team, in a former life...;-D

Whew...!


Safe and fun holidays to Y'all...:-)




Back Tuesday, if not before or after.. if at all...;-D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but
we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest


"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country."
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC


"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward


"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all
those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey, pop singer


"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the
president."
- Hillary Clinton, commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.


"The police are not here to create disorder.  They're here to preserve
disorder."
- Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 Democratic Party
convention.


"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Former French President Charles de Gaulle


"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, former New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he
failed to pay his taxes.


"The Internet is a great way to get on the Net."
- Former Republican presidential candidate and Senator, Bob Dole


"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before."
- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower


"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery


"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, upon being drafted by the Dallas Mavericks


"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered
other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
- Matt Lauer, host of NBC's Today show


"It's like an Alcatraz around my neck."
- Boston mayor on the shortage of city parking spaces


"Half this game is ninety percent mental. "
- Former baseball player and manager Yogi Berra


"They're multi-purpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take
them off."
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air
Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.


"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle


"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was
that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those
people."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle


"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle


"The streets are safe in Philadelphia.  It's only the people who make them
unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia


"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your
life."
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal
anti-smoking campaign.


"The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
- Former Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live".


"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the
school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David
Steele to the post."
- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island


"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm
just the one to do it."
- A congressional candidate in Texas


"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind."
- General William Westmoreland, during the war in Viet Nam


"What would this country be without this great land of ours?"
- Former President Ronald Reagan