I/500

Any relationship with the following press release and the truth is purely 
coincidental.



*** FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE ***

In a move that well may prove to be the second largest marketing boner in 
the history of the world, the IBM Corporation internally detailed plans to 
re-brand all of it's computing product lines.  Each of the IBM product 
lines will be designated by a letter and a number.  For example the 
extremely popular AS/400 product line, which IBM has failed to successfully 
market effectively, will be designated I/500.  IBM refused to indicate what 
the letter "I" stands for, although speculation includes "Idiocy", which 
relates to the entire exercise.  For example, it was revealed that the 
RS/6000 will be designated with the letter "P".

Industry analysts point out that the entire process could cost between 
three and five billion dollars, which is remarkable given the fact that 
none of the products will show any substantive change, apart from the 
normal progression of technology.  Wall Street expects IBM to take a one 
time charge against earnings.  Covered by the one time charge will be the 
cost of re-branding, new sign-age and logos, and a gift certificate 
redeemable at the Mayo Clinic for one lobotomy all IBM executives involved 
with this decision.  Executives from Big Blue also have the alternative of 
a one-time transfer to the new IBM location in Redmond, Washington.

With regard to the Mayo Clinic action, Northwest Airlines today is 
announcing two additional daily round trip 747 flights from White Plains, 
New York to Rochester, Minnesota.  In reaction to the Northwest 
announcement, residents of the town of Greenwich Connecticut have indicated 
that will seek an injunction prohibiting Northwest from servicing the needs 
of it's customers.  The Kahler Corporation has also announced the 
construction of several new hotel properties in downtown Rochester to 
handle the additional travel into zip code 55901.

Officials with the Coca-Cola Company expressed relief that IBM was unable 
to top the largest marketing boner in the history of mankind, the 
reformulation of Coke.

In related matters, trading was halted in Sherman Williams stock with 
speculation of an order from IBM for 390,000 gallons of the shade "piss 
yellow".  Sherman Williams pointed out that someone is going to have to 
repaint all of those RS/6000's which are currently black.

The Internal Revenue Service has announced that it will investigate this 
boondoggle, sighting that IBM could have better spend the funds in a bond 
fire with the cash, sighting the probability of the one-time charge. 
Immediately Greenpeace announced that it would seek an injunction against 
IBM fearing that such a bond fire might contribute to global warming.   IBM 
employees pointed out that the funds could have been better spent in the 
employee's pension fund.  IRS agreed with the IBM employees sighting that 
they would be able to ultimately tax this money again, despite the current 
one-time charge.



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